Butt Stuff

Have you noticed that a lot of super hero action movies take place in a very busy two to three days tops? There is not much down time for the heroes even though we are not following them in real time, just bits of their day.

But in some movies the stakes are too high. You gotta be on the run and I don’t mean the fun family travel run, I mean running for your life or to save the life of others. And on a rewatch, unless you are my girlfriend, you aren’t as involved as if it is the first time, watching and yelling asking if they will survive or not the next scene.

You’re thinking, damn, they’re still sharp as hell on their talking and decisions instead of grumpy as hell, did they even have time to sleep? Actually did they manage to stop to buy food to eat on the ir way? When did they go to the toilet?

In Age of Ultron they had plenty of time to make a line on Barton’s house and poop there, but in the original Avengers… Bruce Banner might have been very thankful that if he didn’t poop on the morning, the Hulk growing size made some room on his guts.

Imagine having PTSD because you were late and you were nervous to take a shit, and that cost the life of your partners. That must be a thrill to discuss on therapy. Also a fun headcanon, character that saves the day on the last second, stopped showing on screen not to build suspense but because the creative vision of the director was just him squatting on a bush for 15 minutes wondering why there is more yet to come out.

This is not an April’s Fool post, by the way, I mean how can you live with yourself if you did not think if the Sayans put out as much as they put in?

They’re monkeys, after all, maybe the poop fling is a valid fighting strategy Vegeta just gave up because of the spandex, or with his tail cut he canonically couldn’t perform the helicopter spread. Let’s be real for a moment: how many Dragon Ball wishes would have been spared if Goku was willing to do the legendary brown kamehameha?

That is right, we’ll discuss the Poop Immersion Problem of writing and wordbuilding today. The worst place for this to happen is Video Games, because you are always staring at the ass of that protagonist and you know for a fact he didn’t do shit. Literally.

Ironically Digimon out of all things has masterfully integrated a poop system on their simulation. Their virtual pets didn’t need to evacuate, but they made it a design mechanic, that is the quality of in-depth design standards we hold in this website. Boo to those games loosely held by duct tape like Breath of the Wild. Digimon made its first game 20 years before that and you couldn’t top that?

Now I know that some smartass might say that the poop immersion problem is solved if you play a speedrun canon, where Zelda, I mean Link, wakes up, and immediately goes to defeat Gryffindor or whatever in half an hour because he is in a rush to pee. We’ve all been there, fair enough.

And to that I say… did you saw any toilet on the few buildings in that game? But most worlds in fantasy, and in games, ignore this. Pokemon for example: no bathrooms. But to be fair mom doesn’t even have a bed, she sleeps on the sink even though I give her money in some games, so maybe they don’t poop in general unlike their objectively superior franchise competitors.

And if you think I am being pedantic, there is a whole industry you are ignoring to write. How do sieges, city health even work on your world if you don’t know where the poop goes? There are serious cultural differences too, even in the real world.

India is seen as absolute disgusting for you not having toilet paper in some threads, and if you go to Indian threads, they’re absolutely disgusted whole nations don’t wash their ass every single time, it is amazing to read. Also some Indians defending the western excremental methodology with very valid points, that sitting it is friendlier to slightly disabled people or that just got old, and otherwise would not have difficulties through their day.

See? There are other people talking about it, I’m not weird.

Is your fictional society capable of producing toilet paper more than magical scrolls? Sure you may make the magic disappear, but like in the movie Envy, where does the shit go? How does a whole magic school handle bullying of teleporting poop, or just their students not being good at what they do?

Rafaela did not teleport crap on the principal’s head intentionally, she just has bad grades because you guys rushed the teleporting lecture!

I want you to be thankful I have no ads whatsoever on this website, and I’m bringing this poop for thought in gratuity to you, and sleep thinking about how you missed such an important aspect of your character’s lives.

That is also why I don’t have comments here, I want you to hold this to yourself instead of letting out. Sleep on it, sleep on the poop and be painfully aware that if you ignore it in your writing, it is an informed decision from now on.